The Method For Winning With Your Teen
Winning with your teen is about you and your teen winning together. It is about winning for your teen, as your success with your teen aligns with his best interest.
It is not just about satisfying your desire to feel in control and looked up to, though that occurs naturally to a reasonable degree as you relate with your teen in a way that allows her to feel free to express her authentic sellf.
By the time a child reaches the teen years, his actions largely depend upon his choices. You have lost much of your power to make him do much of anything at all.
When parents fail to understand this, they invest too much effort into control, which ends up making them feel increasingly powerless, frustrated and flaberghasted and often incites more destructive rebellion from their child.
To effectively lead your teen into responsible choice-making requires you to do the opposite of what your automatic, emotional reactions dictate. Take a close look at these until you recognize which ones bring you pain, bring you feelings of disempowerment, bring you feelings of disrespect for yourself.
Don't blame how you feel on your teen. Your teen is actually doing you a favor by giving you a chance to clearly see the negative emotional reaction patterns that are blocking your power, your joy, your self-respect, and thereby preventing you from producing the best results in every area of your life, including parenting.
By using The Method to gain freedom from these negative internal reactions of yours, you empower yourself to more fully enjoy your teen, trust in the outcomes of his choices, and provide him with the positive influence he needs from you to keep himself on track.
The Method for winning with your teen will likely conflict with your logic and beliefs. For instance, you might logically presume that reminding your teen that he has homework to do aligns with your desire for him to do his homework. But involving yourself in that way can have the opposite effect.
You might believe that your teen deserves your angry diatribe when you find out that he has not been doing his school work despite his promises to you that he has been, but this reaction may be the opposite of what he really needs from you to be more open and honest with you and to work harder at school.
Always relate to your child's behavior as a reflection of your own. If your teen is displaying irresponsibility consider how you might be more responsible. If he is being dishonest, consider how you can be more honest.
The most important element impacting your teen's behavior is her sense of value to herself. To the extent that she is not behaving in line with her own best interests, to that extent she most likely lacks a sense of being worthy of her own love.
You cannot improve your teen's behavior with more strictness or harshness. When he stops caring enough about his life to make good choices for himself, it is because he has stopped believing in himself.
The way that you lead your team to better self-care is by taking a deep, honest look at how you really feel about yourself.
To the extent that your teen is showing signs of not believing in herself enough, you can be sure that within you lies a similar insecure pattern.
To the extent that your teen is defying authority, you contain within yoursllf a pattern of defiance that is working against you in some way.
To the extent that your teen seems to lack motivation, chooses the wrong people to hang out with, or demonstrates poor hygiene, there are emotional patterns and beliefs operating within you that are driving you into less than optimal behavior.
Through the use of The Method you can quickly identify the internal patterns in you that your teen's troubled behavior is reflecting and gain freedom from those patterns.
As you do this your teen's attitudes and behaviors will reflect your changes with improvements that seem to happen on their own.
Contact me to schedule your demonstration of The Method For Parenting to improve your relationship and results with your child.